Have you asked whether she experienced vaginal pain during sex? Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. I cannot hurt him. Youre not alone. He never smiles? I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. So I backed off of seeing this person. She knows this but never initiates. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Sorry Mate. I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. She would still complain of pain. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. Now its Im sore there. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! Women want to be swept off their feet. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. And perhaps. I remember when certain words did the trick. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. He (so far) said no. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. Im 15 years younger than my husband. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. We are both active and healthy. I am 53 and my wife is 55. If you want to romance her at 11 p.m., you need to understand that she needs time to sleep! she adds. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable Because we always hear guys complaining! I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. Try DHEA. My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. This went on for years. 3. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. We are wired so differently. It's not about love - you love him, no question. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. })(); Been there, done that. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. I am 50 and she is 45 but she began having the same symptom that you described. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. I feared marriage for tears because I knew this is what it would be. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. I get it and don't want to add to her stress. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? Grab Now! Remember its never too late to start. I dont know why Im still here. Is it something we should split over? There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving. No one wants to talk about it. Id be interested to find out your age. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. Wow!!! Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. Yeah, wrinkles and less hair (me), but sex is as good as ever! Hello Elle, Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. There are books that can help guide you. Figures, right? But after putting off marriage until I was 40 it too became sexless right after the wedding. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. I cant stop thinking about it. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. If shes not in the mood neither am I . Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. I try to get used to it. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. Its one less thing to think about or do. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? Cheating just isnt in me. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. You are the problem/ Can you blame her? Im just not happy & want much more for in life. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. I just dont understand. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. I hear ya. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. . I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. Because then who leads? Yes. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Do I disgust her? (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. 1. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Thomas, I agree! Over 12 years no sexual contact. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Doing that just causes me to be resentful of her, and the fact that Im now reduced to doing this nasty little juvenile thing for myself. The one thing she always wants when she touches me is that I come on her tits.which I love. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. No doubt youre frustrated. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? If men want more sex the this is what you should do. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. Your situation is my situation ! Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Didnt mean to lump all this on You but your comment triggered something. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. Christi do us a favor and explain what you are talking about. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. NO! If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. 1. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. Were just a hole for your pole . Im pretty much in the same boat. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. Hope your marriage will last till you die you depart. But the reason is sexual attraction. Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. So we settle. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. We are both in our Sixties now and have been married for over 35 years and apart for a few occasions, birthdays etc my wife just hasnt been interested. If you are not. He is suffering from a mental health issue. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. Here's her full guide to prioritizing sex as parents. Wtf do you think he has been doing. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. Are you serious? The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. Please explain to me. The comments given above is very true. Thank you, Harry. Is it so horrible if I want to snuggle with her? That old saying use or loose it.. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. They (we) act most often as though we men are not capable of rational/sentient thought. Any discussion goes nowhere. BIG mistake. He doesn't feel confident about his body. 10. How about this? 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! I went through marital counseling before the wedding. I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. And feel that what ls what the real problem ls ,should l just exsept this he said lt to uncomfortable to have sex due to his prostate he never touches me l own the house but now he says he wants to put lt ln a trust ,as lf l die he gets lt and visa versa can u help me ,he hates talking about lt but made lt clear lt was not me but his prostate he ls also on. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. Same here except I m 75 he is 80. On fantasy world would be 24/7! She would be lost. Now masturbation does not work so well. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. Related Reading: How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. If they need get that only from you, so be it. In the real world things are very different. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex. Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. And LATINA. Why would he ever have too? Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. Dang! Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. When having sex she has to do most of the work especially when it takes him 45 minutes to get hard and all she wants to do is go to sleep because tommorow will come before she knows it or if one of the kids wakes up because they couldnt sleep or they are sick. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. It makes me feel sick. Semi handsome for an old guy. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in.

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